The Christmas letter is done!!!!

I finally got the christmas letter done.  We have had sick kids, migraines abound for me and a lack of Christmas Spirit.  It is finally snowing today making it feel like Christmas now that it is the New Year.

By the time this reaches you we will already be into 2012! I can't believe its already a new year. The weather here has been so depressing with no snow it was so difficult to fine the Christmas spirit. So on to our year.

On January 25, Little Linnea turned 11. She went away from home for the first time. She went with her 5th grade class to Sandstone Minnesota to a environmental learning center. She had 3 days and 2 nights of (roughing it) sleeping in dorms and learning about Minnesota. She also learned some survival skills that she has tried out a few times just for fun. She finished up Girl Scouts in May and completed 5th grade. In July we had major surgery. She had her tonsils and adenoids removed. Surgery went just fine, recovery was a little rougher. After a week and a half we found out she was allergic to the codeine in the pain meds. After getting her off the medicine we had a complete turn around. She has not had any problems with the recurring strep, sinus infections, and tonsillitis that we had for the last few years. In September we started 6th grade. She continues to grow into a wonderful young lady.

Superhero Ulrik has continued to be busy. He is our residential LEGOMANIAC. He builds, builds, and builds. He loves to play outside in the fort and demon ride on his bicycle. He finished 1st grade and this fall he started in a combined 2nd and 3rd grade class. He loves the challenges and independent learning involved in the class. Ulrik found a new summer pastime with Uncle Scott and that is semi tractor pulls. They enjoyed quite a few this summer. For his 8th birthday on September 10th they went with Thomas to the last pull of the season. The boys had a blast! Ulrik was the recipient of a G.I.Joe cake made by me, everyone was very impressed. Ulrik also had his tonsils out in July (FINALLY!!) . He needed to be duct taped to a chair by about the 4th day as he was rip roaring and ready to go. Thankfully we haven't had any problems with sleep apnea or strep since. He continues to be all boy!

And then there is little Annika Louise she has grown so much this last year. She loves, loves, loves to chat. She has had fairly good health this year. We had the stomach flu in January and again over Christmas. We had our first bladder infection after the doctor tried taking her off her daily antibiotics. Needless to say we are back on them! At her kidney appointment in August the urologist says her reflux continues to improve and we will just keep monitoring. Potty training has been the biggest challenge. Annika turned 3 on August 23. I made her a Princess Tiana cake that she just loved, the bonus was getting her own Barbie when the cake was done. In October we started going to ECFE for some outside interaction. She made lots of new friends and can't wait to go back in February. Annika spends alot of time playing with her baby dolls, and now her kitchen. She continues to be a redheaded little firecracker with the temper to match. But we sure do love her.

Thomas and I continue with our daily tasks. He at Xcel Energy and me in my position as Home Executive. In January we celebrated our 12th anniversary with a nice

dinner out. In February we spent a day playing Mr. and Mrs. Pancake at the IRIS annual pancake breakfast. Thomas is wonderful in his ability to keep things moving smoothly and swiftly so we can do our part to make it a success. In March Thomas went to Alaska to visit his best friend (brother) Bracy before he deployed to Afghanistan. While there we received news that his older brother James had passed away suddenly in Ohio. He was fortunate to be with family since we were unable to mourn together. Thomas spent alot of time at work this summer. Most of our storms hit on Friday and Saturday nights which lead to alot of long weeknights. In September things slowed down so we were able to enjoy a family weekend together and away from home. We spent a weekend in Rochester. We took the kids to a truck show Saturday morning and they learned alot about the different semis out there. Our favorite of course is a Peterbilt. We then had pool time and relaxed. Thomas, Ulrik and my brother went to the truck pull and the girls and I meet my Mom and sister at my cousins wedding in Lanesboro. It was a beautiful day for a outdoor wedding. The girls had a great time. On Halloween we had another death in the family as my Uncle Bob passed away. I've continued to volunteer as my time allows for IRIS. I've also started dabbling in cake decorating. I do enjoy the reactions from the receiver of the cake. This January I already have 3 requests for cakes. I continue to watch my sisters kids Matthew and Piper. Matthew is 7 and Piper is 18 months. Annika and Piper keep me on my toes all day! I do so enjoy being able to watch everyone grow up.

We all had a wonderful Christmas as Annika was in recovery mood from a stomach bug, Ulrik had also made a complete recovery from whatever had struck him a few days earlier. Santa Claus was nice and brought something everyone had asked for. The kids agreed that without snow it just didn't seem quite like Christmas. We are finishing enjoying a couple of quiet days with just us. My sister took vacation the last week of December which has allowed for some much needed sleep for me, my day typically starts at 5am and doesn't stop till about 10pm, and the kids the ability to just hang out and not have to share me with anyone.

We hope this finds everyone in good health and spirits. We wish everyone a Happy New Year and belated Merry Christmas!

Many Blessings,

Libby, Thomas, Linnea, Ulrik and Annika Schmit

and Angels Zachary & Bailey

　

　

　

I thought about you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have is memories and a picture in a frame. You're a keepsake in which I will never part.

God has you in his keeping;

I have you in my heart.

Merry Christmas to all our special Angels.

This may not tickle everyones funnybine but at our house "fart" is a frequently used word and action.  This made us all laugh alot.  Brings back those akward days of dating and the question of "do I or dont I?"

Good intentions, redone.......!

Okay I'm going to get better at this I really am!  Life just gets the better of me so many days.  i started writing the kids birth stories to put in their "special boxes"  and I'm only to getting sent to the hospital with Linnea's!  Life is been so much better so far this school year.  In July Linnea had her tonsils and adenoids removed and Ulrik those tonsils that have been a problem since he was 2.  Only took 6 years to find a great ENT who looked at them and said "uh yeah those should have been gone a long time ago"  Thank you Dr. Jones.  Every time we say his name the kids start humming the song by Aqua "Dr. Jones" Everyone is doing fantastic at school.  Even little Anni Lou and I go 1 day a week to ECFE and have a good time.  I forgot how much I need the outlet and input of other moms going through similar things.  I do feel kind of old hat at being a mom considering most of them have kids 7 and under.  Oh well.  It also made me think OMG Thomas and I have been together 14 years as of Thanksgiving in a couple weeks.  WOW who would have thought my getting the guts to ask him out at work would have led to our shotgun wedding, followed by the biggest challenge any marriage should ever face, 3 more kids, a miscarriage, family strife, family life and the hope to so many wonderful days and years ahead.  I have an amazing life and I am trying my best to continually wrap my head around all of it.  It is 7:30 and no nap nonni lou is looking very tired.  Time to start readying the gang for bed.  I'm really enjoying reading the Little House on the Prairie series to the girls each night.  I am such a dork because I cant wait to read what happens next.  I do not remember hardly any of the story from when my mom read them to me many moons ago.  Living in Minnesota I do have some roadtrip ideas for this summer that pertain to the book.  As long as i have exhaust on the truck by then,hahaha! If anybody out there still cares heres is something new other wise ill just keep writing to myself.

Ive been a bad, bad girl....

Once again my good intentions have been sidelined by everything else.  I have been sick, the kids have been sick, and life just gets away from me. 
Last Thursday i ended up loading up the little girls and taking Linnea to the doctor again.  This was after having her in the previous Friday.  She has been complaining about her ears bothering her.  Turns out her ears are fine, but she has a sinus infection.  Once again onto the antibiotics we go.  Once again more missed school.  At conferences on Monday this was evident in her barely passing math.  Granted she is in a seventh grade pre algebra class but missing class and the lesson the first time definitely impacts the learning curve.  Her teacher is wonderful and understands being ill and is more then willing to help.  Linnea isn't always willing to ask for the help.  I kindly informed her to do everything she can to get the help that is being offered.  In 6th grade my math teacher told me I wasn't going to figure it out after 6 months of trying so he was not going to help me anymore.  This set me up to fail math in 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th grades.  I still have a hard time with math.  The kids love to ask me obscene math questions where I have to find pen and paper to figure it out, or use the tried and true method of air writing.  Her teacher said she will be fine for the rest of the year and next year she will stay in the same class.  I pray that my message of her teacher isnt going to give up on her to just keep trying sinks in.  Now the complaining has started about having to do the Science Fair.  She has excelled at all other projects set before her, I assured her this one could be fun.  Shes not really buying it.  She is enjoying getting a stern talking to about her preteen attitude. 
Ulrik and I got into a door war this morning.  I have removed his door once already.  My plan was to leave it off for 3 days.  He couldn't go to sleep that night without his door.  This morning he pushed me out of the way of the hinges.  I assured him one more slam and his door would be meeting with a snowbank in the front yard.  His teacher said he is so wonderful and such a great kid.  I do agree I love him to pieces, but i am beginning to feel Linneas attitude wearing off on him.
I spent 3 hours at the vet with Toby and Annika yesterday.  3 hours!!!!!!  Is it really possible for them to take any longer to get you in and out.  After dropping a chunk of change, and leaving with a migraine that wouldn't let loose until after I went to bed, I have a sick dog who thankfully has quit throwing up.  I also think I may have found a way to save some money each  month with making his food.  Dairy Queen was on the way home and I had to have a Double Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard.  I figured I had earned this after sitting there for 3 HOURS!!  Annika was so well behaved.  Im so glad I have memorized so many books to keep her entertained.
I treated myself to a cut and color last week.  I am now a deep chocolate brown with a hint of red in the right light.  I would have loved to go for something way more dramatic, but I dont have the money, or time to devote to getting things redone every 2 months.  My mom was not real crazy that im darker then before, but I kindly reminded her of the 2 dye jobs in the past that i did myself that went terribly wrong.  Black with purple highlights, and pumpkin orange with a hint of white.  Yes after that she said oh it does look good.  Thanks Mom.
Thomas is leaving for Alaska in one more week.  I am excited for him that he is getting to do something exciting.  I am excited for me because I have alot of painting to get done.  Hopefully the kids won't be to nutty without Daddy for a week.  Annika will be a little difficult as her constant where is everybody might get a little confusing.  She knows when and where everyone should be.  Maybe we will have to find a map.
Winter needs to release us from her grasp.  We are all suffering from lack of fresh air, green grass (at this time i would settle for brown), and warmer air.  We are suffering from SNOW FATIGUE.  Someone my mom works with coined this phrase.  I agree.  We are all fatigued from the snow.  And guess what its snowing outside right now.  I hope the summer comes by the time we go on vacation in July.  Its beginning to look less likely every flake I see.

Onto the next project.  Have a good day.

Another one bites the dust...

One of my favorite songs by Queen.  The bass line alone is a hint to what song is coming on.  Just like Hearts "Baracuda"  another all time awesome song.  I waas finally able to turn my ipod on today and listen to it.  This was the first song that came on.  Totally fitting for the day, week, month....
After feeling like my head was in a vise and someone was constantly tinging a triangel in my ears for the last week, my head finally feels like my own again.  The triangle stopped playing for a few hours and gave me some relief.  I went to the doctor on Monday when I was in pain and I felt like I was in a fog.  I was the lucky recipient of a sinus infection anddouble ear infection.  When I get sick I go all out and do it right.  I think its getting to be time to go take some more tylenol and ibuprofen because the ringing is starting again.  But so far today I have accomplished wonderful things.  2 loads of laundry, 6 drainers full of dishes, breakfast for 3, and for the afternoon 4 teddy bears to stuff, 12 jars of salsa to fill, 3 cookie jars to make, and lots of paperwork.  It is the annual Infants Remembered In Silence Pancake breakfast, silent auction, and bake sale.  So  I have been BUSY!! to say the least.  But I only was down for one day when i could not handle life this week.  Between my Mom and I we have cut, sewn and stuffed 18 bears as of this time.  They are named secret bears as they have no eyes to stare you down, no mouth to spill the beans, just 2 fluffy ears that will hold anything you tell them.  They are also squishy soft and cuddly.  We have estimated that in the past 5 years we have made at least 150 of them.  Typicaly they are for the silent auction and quite a wanted item, but i've also given them as gifts to a few lucky people.  Everyone needs something to tell their secrets to, to tell them about their pain, guilt, happiness, and sometimes to cry with.

Last years teddy bear collection.

Time to be done, my ears are ringing so badly right now, Ulrik is home sick and Annika is his enemy today.  Trying twos are almost done, what do they say about 3's?????

The faceless child...

A somber post...
Yesterday would have been Zachary's 12th birthday if he was here with us on earth.  Instead it was his 12th heaven birthday.  As the snow fell softly last night I thought of it being confetti raining down from the celebration they might have had.  Then of course my thoughts turn to the what ifs.  What if he was here? What would we have done to celebrate? What would he look like today?  What would he sound like?  Would he drive me bonkers like his siblings?  What would, what if, what, what, what....  These questions run through my head daily as the other kids are doing their daily things.  They are not as frequent as when Linnea was little and the mere question of something small that she had done would bring me to tears.  "Would Zach have liked to crawl around with a strainer on his head? Would Zach have sat and looked at that book?"  At the hospital later in the day after Zachary had been born, I turned on the TV.  It was nothing exciting, it was Looney Tunes cartoons.  I started to cry, realizing I would never get to watch these with Zach, never get to tell him how I used to watch them when I was younger.  It was cartoons, something lame and insignificant, but yet so significant in my future without my oldest child.  I did not know how I would manage after that first day.  But yet I have managed.  I have done it for 12 years, and one day.  Tomorrow with be 12 years and 2 days and so on.  Zachary is with me everyday, he handpicked the 3 children that follow me around everyday.  He picked Linnea to be gentle, caring, helpful, and sweet.  He picked Ulrik to be sensitive, caring, athletic and funny.  He picked Annika to be a cuddler, helpful, sweet and headstrong.  I feel he had a hand in the children that he wanted to be his siblings.  It used to FREAK!!! me out when Linnea was around 3 and 4 and she would tell me about playing in heaven with Zach.  I wouldn't always acknowledge this just because it was hard to comprehend.  She would play quietly in her room and I would hear her talking, she would tell me she was playing with Zach.  Ulrik never said anything like this to me, Annika is still too little, (but she has been having alot of tea parties lately). It just makes you take a step back and think.  I'm not a overly religious person, but I have to believe in a higher power because I have a little boy who lives in heaven with all the other special people i've lost.  I ask my Dad,Grandma, Monte and Sylvia to give my babies hugs and kisses every night because i can't physically do it. I send hugs and kisses on shooting stars hoping they will catch them.  Am I off my rocker, have I gone wobbly (english for Crazy new favorite word  around here).  No i have not because there are other parents just like me out there who do the same thing.
There is only one small picture of Zachary in our house. It sits on a shelf in my room with the other kids hospital pictures.  I had no pictures of  Zach until 6th birthday.  I received his pre autopsy photos the only pictures of him to prove he existed.  I photo shopped the best of the pictures to make it look less clinical more like he would have looked had we taken pictures at the hospital when he was dressed in his gown, cap and wrapped in his blanket.  I have other things around that represent my faceless child.  I have angels around me, figurines, pictures, stuffed bears.  I have his birth announcement as I walk into my bedroom.  I have cross stitches that my mother has done, all these things bring me comfort and remind me he is still a part of this family.  I don't have pictures that everyone can see, I don't have pictures everyone wants to see.  All I have is little things here and there to remind everyone there is one more kid in our lives.  Some people remember some have chosen to forget. I will never forget, I remember everyday at least once an hour.

What a crazy couple weeks!

Ok, so I created this blog to help keep family and friends in the loop since my time gets CRAZY and away from me somedays.  As you can see it has gotten the best of me again.  It has been a couple weeks since I've even touched the computer other then to clean off the desk. 
Well to start big news, Linnea turned 11 on the 25th.  We celebrated that day with a cake that i painstakingly decorated, and a couple presents.  She received a beautiful new sweater from Grandma and 2 new shirts from the rest of us.  I thought it looked pretty easy to decorate a cake.  I was wrong.  After 2 plus hours it was finished.  Towards the end I was cruising along, the learning the technique was the killer.  My hands hurt for hours, thank goodness for the nice warm dish water and the sink full of dishes to help ease my discomfort.  Yes, I was thankful to do dishes (never thought i would hear myself say that!)  I was thinking WOW maybe I could make a little business out of decorating cakes.  Well I'm not so sure I have the time to devote myself to mastering the techniques and resisting all the frosting.  Annika kept herself busy coming back for a squirt of frosting when she needed to check up on me.
On Saturday we convened on the bowling alley for a couple hours of fun, family, pizza and of course CAKE!  Linnea had her best friend Sydni join us along with her cousins Donna, Natalie, Matthew, and her siblings.  Grandma even came with to watch the balls being FLUNG down the lanes.  Annika and Aunt Tina had a blast bowling together.  Annika was sooo cute when she would cheer for herself even before the ball had made it halfway down the lane.  We had a good time trying to get her ball back down the lane after not enough OOMPF was used to get it to the pins.  A few strikes were had and a really good time was enjoyed.  Ulrik said he wasnt leaving without a strike and by some miracle he threw the ball just right and knocked 'em all down.  It was a miracle to say the least.  I'm not sure how many dents were left in the lane after the kids got done but I hope they don't use it for tournaments.  We enjoyed the arguments over who got the corner pieces of cake as everyone is a frosting fiend.  I guess I turned around to late to see the cake eating contest between Donna and Sydni.  I was informed of what had happened when I asked why they had frosting on their faces and cake up their nose.  Laughter was all i needed to hear to know what had happened. 
We are gearing up for the IRIS pancake breakfast, bake sale, and silent auction in 2 weeks.  I have been busy cutting out and stuffing teddy bears.  I am up to my armpits in bear carcases and fluff. The reward is the parents who end up bidding on an item just to get a special teddy bear for their child.  Linnea and Ulrik are gearing up for an afternoon of BINGO!  Last year Linnea won $50 and donated it back to IRIS through  the silent auction.  They are both hoping for a payout again this year.  They also are looking forward to some fun. Thomas will be Captain Pancake again this year as he manages the kitchen.  He is so good at his job they keep asking him back.  I'm not sure what role I will play this year as Annika is sooooo busy.  We will see what happens.
Today as the last week I am dealing with someone sick.  Today Annika and Ulrik have finally broke free of their fevers.  Linnea started hers last night.  I have been fighting one off since Saturday, but Moms don't have time to be sick.  Besides the hacking cough and the party favor sneezes Ulrik and Annika are headed back in the right direction.  Ulrik will definitely be able handle a day at school tomorrow. Linnea will probably hang out for the day again tomorrow.  I hope she is healthy by Thursday so she can go earn her "old folks" badge with the girl scouts as they go crafting with the elderly at the assisted living residence in Lonsdale.  Then Friday her troop is going to the Mall of America for a evening of fun.  Saturday we are supposed to go spend some time with Tina, Dirge (George), Bram and Caitlin and celebrate everyones birthday from January and February.  I hope everyone is healthy.  Saturday is also the first day to sell Girl Scout cookies.  It will be interesting this year because they are trying door to door sales with being able to get cookies on the spot.  I hope it goes well and they all reach their goals. 

Kids are fighting, my ears are ringing and I think my head could explode today.  I hope everyone has had a good couple weeks and is staying healthy.

And I survived another day...

Well this morning I put my big girl panties on.  I took Linnea to school and sent her away for a 3 day 2night trip to the great "up" north.  72 fifth graders, teachers, and chaperone's are all enjoying the frigid temperatures and great snow cover in Sandstone, MN at a environmental learning center.  Linnea was very resistant about going.  She has what she calls "sleepoverphobia"  She has only made it once or twice at sleepovers at friends houses.  I assured her she will be so worn out from all the outside activities and learning she won't be able to think about missing her bed.  I was fine until I left the parking lot.  What in the world?! Why am I upset.  The upsetting part, another stage in growing up.  This made the realization that she isn't so little anymore.  Something that i'm sure every parent faces.  Realizing that their "baby" is growing up.  I understand more now how my sister-in-law was feeling when she sent her baby off to college.  Linnea will be turning 11 in a few short weeks.  Its not so much knowing shes getting older, its the wondering have I done the right things, am I helping to lead her in the right direction, down the path that we want our children to go down?  I guess as a parent we don't know until our children reach those moments that test them. 

The fact that Linnea is going to be 11, only adds to my "out of sorts" feeling.  The river of grief is long and winding, it never ends.  Some days it flows smoothly and slowly smoothing over the rough pebbles beneath it, some days it roars and spills over the banks it has carved.  Zachary would be turning 12.  I can't believe that I have been on this boat that tosses me about, offers me soft waves that lap at the side of my vessel to sooth my soul, and sometimes just plain drenches me for TWELVE years.  Wow.

Speaking of rivers Annika is wearing her "hippi" shirt again today.  If she could she would wear it 7 days a week.  We found it when we went on vacation this past summer.  It proudly boasts " I walked in the Mississippi River"  We ended up having to wash it out in the sink on vacation and dry it over night.  Im hoping that it holds up for a few more months, I have a backup hiding in the closet, but I have a feeling I will be buying another one this summer when we return.  She loves this shirt.  She comes running out of the room yelling "hippi shirt, hippi shirt"  She is so proud of her prize.  I wondered if she remembered going there, did she remember walking in the river?  I got my answer when I turned on the computer, proudly displayed as my background is a picture of the kids from vacation, after they walked in the river the first time.  Annika shouts over my shoulder (into my ear of course)  "Hippi!"  looking at other pictures same reaction.  I hope all the kids hang onto the memories of that first time in the river and the big "family" vacation.

I pray my children never have to travel on the river I ride everyday.

Take Care Everyone