14 days and counting.........
I have been neglecting many things as of the last few months. Of course computer time is one of them. It didn't help when the "blue screen of death" appeared and we had to completely replace the hard drive. Not the end of the world except for Windows 8. Not liking it yet.
I have spent the last few months trying to keep my head above water. My Mom and her cancer treatment. The trips to chemo and other doctoring. The keeping her spirits up (attempting), trying to find the right thing that will make her feel better, trying many times unsuccessfully. It was brought to my attention that i'm not the one dealing with my mortality. Yes very true and I've tried to take this into account. But even with this, trying to keep someone flushing the pity pot is hard work. Its also tiring walking on eggshells. Thank you has been said many times, by Mom for taking care of her and by my siblings for taking the brunt of it. We are past the halfway mark for chemo, so that means only another 63 days til chemo is done. We will just keep waiting for the next chapter to see what else this year will hold.
In the midst of dealing with Mom, Annika had her bladder surgery. I ran the house with the help of my father-in-law from a hospital room. Surgery went fine, we were both anxious to go home the next day. I was more anxious when I found out the nurse couldn't read and gave Anni the medicine she should have only had if she was in a lot of pain. This would account for what happened over the next few days after. Annika came home tired and partially snowed from meds. She perked up the next day, then downhill we went. Annika was plugged up tight. With the help of some wonderful little medicine things turned around within hours. Within 36 hours she was back to our little demon. The countdown with her is done, we did the surgery, it worked we should be good to go (I hope)
In trying to keep my head up, I was thrown back into the deep end with Linnea. She decided to become one with the bathroom floor. I watched the whole thing. Our bathroom is small, so falling from the toilet means you will either hit the wall, door, floor, or tub. Linnea chose the first 3. We went to the ER. We had MRIs and a CT scan. Blood work, EKGs. Then a EEG, sleep deprived EEG. Telling a teenager to stay awake is not a easy task. We have seen a neurologist, a neurosurgeon, and a cardiologist. All to be told that something doesn't quite seem right, but lets wait another 6 weeks to check things over again and make a decision then. But in the meantime your child can't ride her bike, climb a mountain, run with her friends, be left alone. Oh and lets put her on this medication that will probably make her feel like shes in a fog, afraid to walk up stairs, or for that matter be afraid to leave the house. Oh yes this is so much better. So more days to count down for the next chapter.
The one who doesn't cause any ripples, my Ulrik. He decided splashing was more his style and puked all over my feet. He is having a hard time with Grandma being sick. So he sees the social worker at school 1 day a week. We are letting him wear his "chemo cap" to support grandma one day a week to school. This seems to help, but then again he still looks hurt. I try so hard to make sure he doesn't feel left out with the girls getting so much extra attention. I'm not sure I'm succeeding, there it is again a mothers guilt. I try to take him by myself to his guitar lesson, that's our 45 minutes together with no one else. We usually sneak a treat along the way, but he can never keep it a secret. I guess he won't be a senator.
And then my husband..... he decides to have a ulcer. Oh make that 2. At least it explains his constant complaining about his "heartburn". I really should buy stock in Alka-Seltzer and Tums. Medication, and more testing to come. Yup another next chapter in the year.
Now this weekend is Mothers Day. A time to celebrate Mom. ME,ME,ME! I don't like Mothers day, I haven't liked it in 14 years. My first Mothers day was spent without a new baby in my arms. People around me trying to forget or avoid what had just happened. My husband, wonderful Mr.T, got me a ring (well 2, but) it wasn't expensive, it isn't anything overly special. But it hasn't left my finger in 14 years. Even when my old crappy wedding ring broke I always had on my "MOM" ring. When I got my new ring made I debated about welding my new ring to the old "MOM" ring. In the end I'm glad I did. Its still always there, its a symbol that no matter whether we had more children or not I will always be a Mom and someone was making sure I wouldn't forget it. My children know that its just another day. It just gives them a excuse to maybe be a little nicer to each other, indulge me if I want to go to the cemetery for pictures, or leave me alone if the tears start rolling. But just because I don't like it doesn't mean I can completely forget the fact that I am a Mom or all the wonderful women I have in my lives that are Moms. I will say Happy Mothers day to you, but please don't expect flowers, cards, or candy from me. I have my children all of them to be thankful for, but I don't need a special holiday to remind me or them of how important we are in each others lives. Without Zachary, Linnea, Ulrik, Baby Bailey and Annika I wouldn't have the title of MOM, I'm perfectly content with getting a quick hug or cuddle everyday to make me feel special. There's still many more chapters in that book to be written.
And then there is the 14 days......... 14 days till school is out. 14 days till I have to remember to feed all the kids, remember sunscreen, keep Danger Dude in the plastic bubble. I see a broken something in the future this summer, why not, not like the year has been all stellar. Remembering to sit down each day and work on reading and writing. But yet its also a time to stay up late, stay in bed longer, camp out in the yard, explore. Can I make sure that there is some fun in summer this year? I'm not sure yet, I'm not sure about the summer chapter. I don't think 14 days to prepare for 3 months is enough.
This is the song that is playing in my head right now, at least the most appropriate to post. I am TITANIUM, I will not fall.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRfuAukYTKg&feature=player_detailpage
Enjoy your weekend.
