And I survived another day...

Well this morning I put my big girl panties on.  I took Linnea to school and sent her away for a 3 day 2night trip to the great "up" north.  72 fifth graders, teachers, and chaperone's are all enjoying the frigid temperatures and great snow cover in Sandstone, MN at a environmental learning center.  Linnea was very resistant about going.  She has what she calls "sleepoverphobia"  She has only made it once or twice at sleepovers at friends houses.  I assured her she will be so worn out from all the outside activities and learning she won't be able to think about missing her bed.  I was fine until I left the parking lot.  What in the world?! Why am I upset.  The upsetting part, another stage in growing up.  This made the realization that she isn't so little anymore.  Something that i'm sure every parent faces.  Realizing that their "baby" is growing up.  I understand more now how my sister-in-law was feeling when she sent her baby off to college.  Linnea will be turning 11 in a few short weeks.  Its not so much knowing shes getting older, its the wondering have I done the right things, am I helping to lead her in the right direction, down the path that we want our children to go down?  I guess as a parent we don't know until our children reach those moments that test them. 

The fact that Linnea is going to be 11, only adds to my "out of sorts" feeling.  The river of grief is long and winding, it never ends.  Some days it flows smoothly and slowly smoothing over the rough pebbles beneath it, some days it roars and spills over the banks it has carved.  Zachary would be turning 12.  I can't believe that I have been on this boat that tosses me about, offers me soft waves that lap at the side of my vessel to sooth my soul, and sometimes just plain drenches me for TWELVE years.  Wow.

Speaking of rivers Annika is wearing her "hippi" shirt again today.  If she could she would wear it 7 days a week.  We found it when we went on vacation this past summer.  It proudly boasts " I walked in the Mississippi River"  We ended up having to wash it out in the sink on vacation and dry it over night.  Im hoping that it holds up for a few more months, I have a backup hiding in the closet, but I have a feeling I will be buying another one this summer when we return.  She loves this shirt.  She comes running out of the room yelling "hippi shirt, hippi shirt"  She is so proud of her prize.  I wondered if she remembered going there, did she remember walking in the river?  I got my answer when I turned on the computer, proudly displayed as my background is a picture of the kids from vacation, after they walked in the river the first time.  Annika shouts over my shoulder (into my ear of course)  "Hippi!"  looking at other pictures same reaction.  I hope all the kids hang onto the memories of that first time in the river and the big "family" vacation.

I pray my children never have to travel on the river I ride everyday.

Take Care Everyone