Well its another cloudy,cool day here in Veseli, but I'm snuggled down in the house where it is a balmy 70 degrees.  It feels like there is a window open somewhere in the house which just tells me, I need to finish sealing us in for the winter with the help of 3M and a hairdryer.
         Annika has been trying to convince me she could wear her new winter boots to preschool.  I convinced her to wear her sudo suede boots that served as winter boots last year because we had no snow!!  Unfortunately we have had our last wearing on them as all the kids feet are deciding to grow within weeks of each other.  Linnea is wearing a womans size 9 and Ulrik is a mens 7!!  Right now my nearly 13 year old and 9 year old can wear the same size shoe!!!!!  Crazy how school starts and then they grow.  Thankfully I've learned over the years that its not worth buying clothes before school starts because they will start to grow on the second week.
    We have been enjoying the fall weather with great fanfare.  The kids get bundled up and head outdoors for a hour or so in the afternoon which helps me to get dinner ready and helps me even more to get some energy out.  If life works out this trend will be continuing for awhile. Last night was pleasant for trick or treating.  I handed out candy while Thomas and the kids were treating with some friends of ours.  It was nice that the weather cooperated and everyone was done before we started to lose feeling in all fingers.
    Thanksgiving is fast approaching, which means Christmas will be even faster approaching.  Ive been very busy learning to crochet so I can give the kids the one of a kind presents that I enjoy making for them.  Whether they are truly appreciated or not, to me its the thought that goes into them.  Christmas isn't all about how many Lego sets or gift cards you can get and I feel its important to remind the kids of this OFTEN!  Thanksgiving is bringing us together for the IRIS turkey trot.  Ulrik is the most excited about doing his second 5k. I think he would enjoy doing one a month if possible. 
     The last year seems like a blur in so many ways.  I guess that's what happens when you are flying by the seat of your pants most of the time.  We have had birthdays, anniversaries, good days, bad days, special moments, vacation, the passing of the school year and the starting of another.  It just seems obscene to consider it is the first of November already.  I feel I still have so many things to do before I can recycle the calendar.  Theres rooms to be painted, pictures to take and hang, more crafts to start and finish, more books to read, more things to show the kids................... but life is really a perpetual calendar.  It just changes when another event pops up and you have to adjust to having a real teenager in the house or a official preschooler(who thinks she's a teenager), or you cross something else of the "honey do list". Its life and it doesn't stop even if you want it to, just to let you off and catch your breath.  I am truly thankful for each and every moment of it and I don't always stop to look at it.  Finding a moment to stop and look can be exhausting, just looking up and finding you are smack in the middle of "that moment" is the reward.
    I had a moment of complete and utter silence a couple weeks ago, it was only me, the house and the dog.  I can count on one hand how many times in the last 13 years I have had moments like these.  It disturbed me. I felt out of my element.  I love the hulabaloo of everyday life, I enjoy the sounds of the kids bickering, wrestling, giggling, spitting toothpaste in the sink, or sleeping.  It was just me and me and my thoughts alone are consuming, I don't like it.  But on the never ending river of grief I had a bit of a "aha" moment.  How many times had I wondered if things had been different if Zachary had lived, how many times have I wished he were here?  But I realized that he has lived, through me I have kept his name in our house, I have told his siblings about him, I have seen him in each and everyone of the kids. He is here with us, in spirit, in my thoughts daily, in my prayers at night.  The world may not be able to physically see him or touch him, but for me (the wacko typing this) he is here. He helped pick out 3 of the craziest, wonderful kids.  He has helped grab his brother by the scruff of his neck to keep him from breaking a limb in one of his "DangerDude" moments.  He has held Annikas hand as she went though her first surgery and all of her nasty testing. He has helped Linnea to be inquisitive about life.  And he has helped hold our hands when we need a little comforting. 
      Zachary is not a missing piece of our family but rather the glue that helps to keep it stuck together. 
     This is my birthday present to myself.  I am the large dragonfly and there are four small ones.  Each represent my children.  Two blue ones for my boys, two pink ones for my girls.
                                            

                                              MY CHILDREN AND ME ALWAYS.
                                           

  
  

Intentions are like (bleep) we all have them.

     Well intentions have gone out the window.  I think I'm going to and then something different comes along or gets in the way.  For my sanity I think I'm going to just start remembering I fly by the seat of my pants more days then not.  Life gets hectic even when all you've done is sit on the couch playing with yarn all day.  I would say I'm going to try harder but I always say that and disappoint myself so I wont say it anymore (well at least for a week or so). 
    So life has been busy, no surprise.  Easter we had a great surprise Thomas'  Dad came to visit.  It had been almost 5 years since we saw him last.  We had a great week together and Annika even warmed up to him by the end of the week.  She is still questioning me about his house and his pool and if he will fill it up before we get there next summer, boy is she going to be shocked to find out its not her little kiddie pool! 
     Spring/summer is still arriving here so its been try to make the yard pretty time.  I'm thinking the neighbors are wondering what the light is in the kitchen all night, its a GROW LIGHT!!!  I was a little slow this year and needed some help.  I have my morning glories sprouting, so now I just need to get my new planters ready.  Today I got the pansies, petunias and tomatoes planted.  Hopefully with some help this weekend I can get the old laundry tub painted and planted for the tomatoes also.  Hard part is after trying to be wonder woman and get so much beautifying done I severely sprained my pectoral muscles on both sides of my chest. 
     After moving 3000 pounds of rock, which was in 50 pound bags.  I moved it from the pallets at the store to the car, from the car to the driveway, from the driveway to the yard, and then had to dump them all out in their places. Things are looking great but my arms don't go over my head, oh wait they don't like me to do much at all.  Lifting a clothes basket or 30 pound kid is excruciating.  Bonus to all this after  5 hours in the ER found out I'm healthy, my heart works great (2 EKGS and lots of blood to prove it), I don't have blood clots (chest xray and ultrasounds on both legs) and my blood pressure is excellent ( I have the bruises from the auto cuff).  So if this weather will hold and I can keep stretching maybe by mothers day ill be back to me.  
       The kids have been soaking up every ray of sunshine they can. We love sun!!!!  They have tolerated the cloudy windy days also, and after last night I have a feeling that Ulrik will be out in the rain.  In front of our house is a hill with a drainage ditch across the bottom.  This is made extra swampy by our sump pump draining there.  Ulrik has figured out how to safely navigate through this muck with his bike without wiping out.  Now he is working on how to jump the sump hose and head down the ditch without having to lift his bike over it.  Linnea joined in this task also.  I'm sure my laundry pile is going to be increasing a bit! Summer vacation starts in 14 days, I am trying to plan some small day trips to parts of our state that can be interesting.  And I also volunteered to help out with Vacation Bible School.  I'm looking forward to both items.   
     Mothers day is approaching quickly.  On Sunday the 6th mothers such as myself have our own day of recognition.  It is International Bereaved Mothers Day.  For all he mothers of baby's lost.  I'm hoping the weather will hold to be able to sail a sky lantern at dusk.  I'm not sure where I'm going to set this off, after looking at the cemetery its going to have to be very calm to not have to worry about the trees.  Hopefully it will work out well otherwise maybe at dawn.  Mothers day is always a bittersweet holiday because of Zachary.  But I also have to think of my other beautiful children.  Its wonderful to know now that on the 6th I can concentrate on Zachary and on the 13th celebrate with the other kids.  For my first mothers day after Zachary, Thomas gave me a ring it says MOM on the outside and has a row of diamonds on top.  It is now welded to my new wedding ring.  It has been my constant ring.  Its nothing extravagant but it means so much to me.  Possibly even more then the emerald ring he also gave me that day.  Its just a constant reminder of all we went through to get to that day, to today and tomorrow and so on........

The Christmas letter is done!!!!

I finally got the christmas letter done.  We have had sick kids, migraines abound for me and a lack of Christmas Spirit.  It is finally snowing today making it feel like Christmas now that it is the New Year.

By the time this reaches you we will already be into 2012! I can't believe its already a new year. The weather here has been so depressing with no snow it was so difficult to fine the Christmas spirit. So on to our year.

On January 25, Little Linnea turned 11. She went away from home for the first time. She went with her 5th grade class to Sandstone Minnesota to a environmental learning center. She had 3 days and 2 nights of (roughing it) sleeping in dorms and learning about Minnesota. She also learned some survival skills that she has tried out a few times just for fun. She finished up Girl Scouts in May and completed 5th grade. In July we had major surgery. She had her tonsils and adenoids removed. Surgery went just fine, recovery was a little rougher. After a week and a half we found out she was allergic to the codeine in the pain meds. After getting her off the medicine we had a complete turn around. She has not had any problems with the recurring strep, sinus infections, and tonsillitis that we had for the last few years. In September we started 6th grade. She continues to grow into a wonderful young lady.

Superhero Ulrik has continued to be busy. He is our residential LEGOMANIAC. He builds, builds, and builds. He loves to play outside in the fort and demon ride on his bicycle. He finished 1st grade and this fall he started in a combined 2nd and 3rd grade class. He loves the challenges and independent learning involved in the class. Ulrik found a new summer pastime with Uncle Scott and that is semi tractor pulls. They enjoyed quite a few this summer. For his 8th birthday on September 10th they went with Thomas to the last pull of the season. The boys had a blast! Ulrik was the recipient of a G.I.Joe cake made by me, everyone was very impressed. Ulrik also had his tonsils out in July (FINALLY!!) . He needed to be duct taped to a chair by about the 4th day as he was rip roaring and ready to go. Thankfully we haven't had any problems with sleep apnea or strep since. He continues to be all boy!

And then there is little Annika Louise she has grown so much this last year. She loves, loves, loves to chat. She has had fairly good health this year. We had the stomach flu in January and again over Christmas. We had our first bladder infection after the doctor tried taking her off her daily antibiotics. Needless to say we are back on them! At her kidney appointment in August the urologist says her reflux continues to improve and we will just keep monitoring. Potty training has been the biggest challenge. Annika turned 3 on August 23. I made her a Princess Tiana cake that she just loved, the bonus was getting her own Barbie when the cake was done. In October we started going to ECFE for some outside interaction. She made lots of new friends and can't wait to go back in February. Annika spends alot of time playing with her baby dolls, and now her kitchen. She continues to be a redheaded little firecracker with the temper to match. But we sure do love her.

Thomas and I continue with our daily tasks. He at Xcel Energy and me in my position as Home Executive. In January we celebrated our 12th anniversary with a nice

dinner out. In February we spent a day playing Mr. and Mrs. Pancake at the IRIS annual pancake breakfast. Thomas is wonderful in his ability to keep things moving smoothly and swiftly so we can do our part to make it a success. In March Thomas went to Alaska to visit his best friend (brother) Bracy before he deployed to Afghanistan. While there we received news that his older brother James had passed away suddenly in Ohio. He was fortunate to be with family since we were unable to mourn together. Thomas spent alot of time at work this summer. Most of our storms hit on Friday and Saturday nights which lead to alot of long weeknights. In September things slowed down so we were able to enjoy a family weekend together and away from home. We spent a weekend in Rochester. We took the kids to a truck show Saturday morning and they learned alot about the different semis out there. Our favorite of course is a Peterbilt. We then had pool time and relaxed. Thomas, Ulrik and my brother went to the truck pull and the girls and I meet my Mom and sister at my cousins wedding in Lanesboro. It was a beautiful day for a outdoor wedding. The girls had a great time. On Halloween we had another death in the family as my Uncle Bob passed away. I've continued to volunteer as my time allows for IRIS. I've also started dabbling in cake decorating. I do enjoy the reactions from the receiver of the cake. This January I already have 3 requests for cakes. I continue to watch my sisters kids Matthew and Piper. Matthew is 7 and Piper is 18 months. Annika and Piper keep me on my toes all day! I do so enjoy being able to watch everyone grow up.

We all had a wonderful Christmas as Annika was in recovery mood from a stomach bug, Ulrik had also made a complete recovery from whatever had struck him a few days earlier. Santa Claus was nice and brought something everyone had asked for. The kids agreed that without snow it just didn't seem quite like Christmas. We are finishing enjoying a couple of quiet days with just us. My sister took vacation the last week of December which has allowed for some much needed sleep for me, my day typically starts at 5am and doesn't stop till about 10pm, and the kids the ability to just hang out and not have to share me with anyone.

We hope this finds everyone in good health and spirits. We wish everyone a Happy New Year and belated Merry Christmas!

Many Blessings,

Libby, Thomas, Linnea, Ulrik and Annika Schmit

and Angels Zachary & Bailey

　

　

　

I thought about you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have is memories and a picture in a frame. You're a keepsake in which I will never part.

God has you in his keeping;

I have you in my heart.

Merry Christmas to all our special Angels.

This may not tickle everyones funnybine but at our house "fart" is a frequently used word and action.  This made us all laugh alot.  Brings back those akward days of dating and the question of "do I or dont I?"

Good intentions, redone.......!

Okay I'm going to get better at this I really am!  Life just gets the better of me so many days.  i started writing the kids birth stories to put in their "special boxes"  and I'm only to getting sent to the hospital with Linnea's!  Life is been so much better so far this school year.  In July Linnea had her tonsils and adenoids removed and Ulrik those tonsils that have been a problem since he was 2.  Only took 6 years to find a great ENT who looked at them and said "uh yeah those should have been gone a long time ago"  Thank you Dr. Jones.  Every time we say his name the kids start humming the song by Aqua "Dr. Jones" Everyone is doing fantastic at school.  Even little Anni Lou and I go 1 day a week to ECFE and have a good time.  I forgot how much I need the outlet and input of other moms going through similar things.  I do feel kind of old hat at being a mom considering most of them have kids 7 and under.  Oh well.  It also made me think OMG Thomas and I have been together 14 years as of Thanksgiving in a couple weeks.  WOW who would have thought my getting the guts to ask him out at work would have led to our shotgun wedding, followed by the biggest challenge any marriage should ever face, 3 more kids, a miscarriage, family strife, family life and the hope to so many wonderful days and years ahead.  I have an amazing life and I am trying my best to continually wrap my head around all of it.  It is 7:30 and no nap nonni lou is looking very tired.  Time to start readying the gang for bed.  I'm really enjoying reading the Little House on the Prairie series to the girls each night.  I am such a dork because I cant wait to read what happens next.  I do not remember hardly any of the story from when my mom read them to me many moons ago.  Living in Minnesota I do have some roadtrip ideas for this summer that pertain to the book.  As long as i have exhaust on the truck by then,hahaha! If anybody out there still cares heres is something new other wise ill just keep writing to myself.

Ive been a bad, bad girl....

Once again my good intentions have been sidelined by everything else.  I have been sick, the kids have been sick, and life just gets away from me. 
Last Thursday i ended up loading up the little girls and taking Linnea to the doctor again.  This was after having her in the previous Friday.  She has been complaining about her ears bothering her.  Turns out her ears are fine, but she has a sinus infection.  Once again onto the antibiotics we go.  Once again more missed school.  At conferences on Monday this was evident in her barely passing math.  Granted she is in a seventh grade pre algebra class but missing class and the lesson the first time definitely impacts the learning curve.  Her teacher is wonderful and understands being ill and is more then willing to help.  Linnea isn't always willing to ask for the help.  I kindly informed her to do everything she can to get the help that is being offered.  In 6th grade my math teacher told me I wasn't going to figure it out after 6 months of trying so he was not going to help me anymore.  This set me up to fail math in 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th grades.  I still have a hard time with math.  The kids love to ask me obscene math questions where I have to find pen and paper to figure it out, or use the tried and true method of air writing.  Her teacher said she will be fine for the rest of the year and next year she will stay in the same class.  I pray that my message of her teacher isnt going to give up on her to just keep trying sinks in.  Now the complaining has started about having to do the Science Fair.  She has excelled at all other projects set before her, I assured her this one could be fun.  Shes not really buying it.  She is enjoying getting a stern talking to about her preteen attitude. 
Ulrik and I got into a door war this morning.  I have removed his door once already.  My plan was to leave it off for 3 days.  He couldn't go to sleep that night without his door.  This morning he pushed me out of the way of the hinges.  I assured him one more slam and his door would be meeting with a snowbank in the front yard.  His teacher said he is so wonderful and such a great kid.  I do agree I love him to pieces, but i am beginning to feel Linneas attitude wearing off on him.
I spent 3 hours at the vet with Toby and Annika yesterday.  3 hours!!!!!!  Is it really possible for them to take any longer to get you in and out.  After dropping a chunk of change, and leaving with a migraine that wouldn't let loose until after I went to bed, I have a sick dog who thankfully has quit throwing up.  I also think I may have found a way to save some money each  month with making his food.  Dairy Queen was on the way home and I had to have a Double Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Blizzard.  I figured I had earned this after sitting there for 3 HOURS!!  Annika was so well behaved.  Im so glad I have memorized so many books to keep her entertained.
I treated myself to a cut and color last week.  I am now a deep chocolate brown with a hint of red in the right light.  I would have loved to go for something way more dramatic, but I dont have the money, or time to devote to getting things redone every 2 months.  My mom was not real crazy that im darker then before, but I kindly reminded her of the 2 dye jobs in the past that i did myself that went terribly wrong.  Black with purple highlights, and pumpkin orange with a hint of white.  Yes after that she said oh it does look good.  Thanks Mom.
Thomas is leaving for Alaska in one more week.  I am excited for him that he is getting to do something exciting.  I am excited for me because I have alot of painting to get done.  Hopefully the kids won't be to nutty without Daddy for a week.  Annika will be a little difficult as her constant where is everybody might get a little confusing.  She knows when and where everyone should be.  Maybe we will have to find a map.
Winter needs to release us from her grasp.  We are all suffering from lack of fresh air, green grass (at this time i would settle for brown), and warmer air.  We are suffering from SNOW FATIGUE.  Someone my mom works with coined this phrase.  I agree.  We are all fatigued from the snow.  And guess what its snowing outside right now.  I hope the summer comes by the time we go on vacation in July.  Its beginning to look less likely every flake I see.

Onto the next project.  Have a good day.

Another one bites the dust...

One of my favorite songs by Queen.  The bass line alone is a hint to what song is coming on.  Just like Hearts "Baracuda"  another all time awesome song.  I waas finally able to turn my ipod on today and listen to it.  This was the first song that came on.  Totally fitting for the day, week, month....
After feeling like my head was in a vise and someone was constantly tinging a triangel in my ears for the last week, my head finally feels like my own again.  The triangle stopped playing for a few hours and gave me some relief.  I went to the doctor on Monday when I was in pain and I felt like I was in a fog.  I was the lucky recipient of a sinus infection anddouble ear infection.  When I get sick I go all out and do it right.  I think its getting to be time to go take some more tylenol and ibuprofen because the ringing is starting again.  But so far today I have accomplished wonderful things.  2 loads of laundry, 6 drainers full of dishes, breakfast for 3, and for the afternoon 4 teddy bears to stuff, 12 jars of salsa to fill, 3 cookie jars to make, and lots of paperwork.  It is the annual Infants Remembered In Silence Pancake breakfast, silent auction, and bake sale.  So  I have been BUSY!! to say the least.  But I only was down for one day when i could not handle life this week.  Between my Mom and I we have cut, sewn and stuffed 18 bears as of this time.  They are named secret bears as they have no eyes to stare you down, no mouth to spill the beans, just 2 fluffy ears that will hold anything you tell them.  They are also squishy soft and cuddly.  We have estimated that in the past 5 years we have made at least 150 of them.  Typicaly they are for the silent auction and quite a wanted item, but i've also given them as gifts to a few lucky people.  Everyone needs something to tell their secrets to, to tell them about their pain, guilt, happiness, and sometimes to cry with.

Last years teddy bear collection.

Time to be done, my ears are ringing so badly right now, Ulrik is home sick and Annika is his enemy today.  Trying twos are almost done, what do they say about 3's?????